Spencer Pratt feels there’s only two options to choose from should Heidi ever get pregnant. Unfortunately, suicide is not one of them. He tells MTV News,

“What happens if she does? I told her there’s a divorce or adoption. If she’s not down with the adoption, I think it’s divorce.”

I’m impressed Spencer has enough sense to realize that if it’s not one of two options, then it must be the other. He continues,

“I’m a baby. I’m not prepared. And I’m not sure the world wants a Spencer Pratt spawn.”

The world didn’t want the first Spencer Pratt spawn, but I’m willing to work with the cards we’ve been dealt. Should Heidi pull a Kourtney Kardashian and create a douche brood of her own, Spencer will inevitably be forced to honor his word and abandon his wife and child. Slowly, the overworked single mother will fall into a deep depression only to find comfort in excessive plastic surgery and narcotic use. Her and Spencer will be briefly reunited and die by fire. The End.

If only…