Michael Lohan kicked his girlfriend in the vagina

Erin Muller claims Michael Lohan physically abused her at least a dozen times over the past two years in papers filed with Nassau County, NY yesterday. Let’s just see what Michael’s been up to when he isn’t Twittering or issuing creepy press releases about Lindsay. Per TMZ:

Dec. 9, 2007: Michael Lohan “slapped Erin in the face twice because Erin accused him of giving her a fake watch on her birthday.

Feb. 2008: Michael “punched Erin in the mouth” because she had a male friend on Facebook

March 2008: Michael “whipped a computer cord” at her face but she blocked it with her hand … causing a laceration.

May 5, 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the ribs.”

May 2008: Michael “kicked Erin Muller in the vagina, bruising it and causing substantial pain.”

June 2008: Michael “spit in Erin’s face, and beat her repeatedly with his fist.” Then he “yelled at her to ‘stop crying c*nt — other people will see you — if they see you, I will kill you!’”

Michael Lohan showed this list to Chris Brown and asked, “Am I doing it right?” Chris then looked at him and said, “Why do you always have to take things too far?” Chris then threw his hands up in frustration and left.

I suspect the argument between Michael and Erin looked like this except with more foot and less fist.

[Michael Lohan, West Hollywood. October 2009. Image via Splash News]