sandra-bullock-sbiff

Sandra Bullock wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day by cutting her pubic hair into the shape of a heart and dying it pink for her husband Jesse James. Things didn’t go exactly as planned. In fact, some say it may have gone horribly wrong. Considering Bullock isn’t a natural blonde, she had to bleach it first. So she did. Pour bleach on her pubes. Unsurprisingly, things only got worse from there.

“I decided for Valentine’s Day I would do a special hair thing. I wanted to try to create a pink heart shape with my lower hair. It was painful.

“You had to bleach it first. There’s something about bleach that feels like acid. Then I had to shave it. I was in so much pain, but I kept going and put the pink dye on and it went the wrong colour.”

Bullock’s vagina was probably out of commission for a few days. She probably had to hang a sign over it that said “closed for repairs”. The worse part is her pubes probably didn’t even look like a pink heart. It probably looked like an inflamed orange half-circle half-triangle thing. This will probably go down as the most un-sexiest Valentine’s Day ever.