Mickey Rourke to Remove His Teeth For Role

Mickey Rourke has signed on to play Gareth Thomas, Britain’s first openly gay rugby star. He’s already practicing his Welsh accent and now plans to remove his two capped front teeth for authenticity and for Oscar bait. Says Mickey’s agent, “Mickey intends to get as close to the character as he can. He is going to get rid of his two front teeth – he will be taking them out.” Gareth lost his front teeth from an onfield tackle.

The Academy eats this stuff up. Mickey is basically dangling a carrot in front of their faces. “He removed his two front teeth? How far will this man go? Genius!” The people at the Academy are like the kids whose moms never let them play outside with the other kids so everything out of the ordinary is like seeing snow for the first time for them.