Just the idea of and together creeps me out so you can imagine what it would be like for me hearing that Sean and Scarlett engaged in an intense makeout session at the White House Correspondents Dinner over the weekend.

After being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole by refusing to put his hand over his heart when everyone sang The Star-Spangled Banner, Sean and Scarlett were shoving their tongues down each others throats during the main course. “She [Johansson] plopped down in his lap, and they were kissing. It happened right as the main course of the dinner was being put on the table.”

They later went to the courtyard where Sean grabbed a smoke and kept making out. “Scarlett was pawing at Sean, holding on to his hip while he was smoking. She gave him a short kiss. But then they took a walk some 30 feet away, broke off from the group and kissed some more.”

Sean, ever the gentlemen, stopped Scarlett before leaving before 3 a.m. to put his jacket on her shoulders, saying, “It’s cold out there.”

Aw, gross. Not only is my stomach doing somersaults at the thought of Sean probing Scarlett’s mouth like it was an anal cavity at an alien abduction, but now I’m sickened at the sweetness. He probably went home, lit a bunch of candles and drew her a bath too, huh?