Earlier this week, there was a report that Taylor Swift broke up with Harry Styles because he kissed like a snail and no one wants to kiss a snail. Unless the snail is a banana slug which is just a snail without a shell. Anyhoo, the gist of the story was they had a lack of chemistry on account of Styles dragging his tongue across her mouth during every kiss.
Now the National Enquirer has a new report that says the real reason they broke up was because Taylor wouldn’t stop making fun of Harry’s uncircumcised penis. A source says Harry ended it because he was sick of Taylor “nagging him about clipping his [penis].” Apparently, Taylor didn’t like that Harry wasn’t circumcised so she kept pushing him to get it cut.
Harry told her it wasn’t ever going to happen. Whenever Taylor brought it up, Harry would roll his eyes and ignore her but eventually he couldn’t take it anymore.
What I want to know is how Taylor is going to work that into a song. She’ll have to use a euphemism like this dude had a pet aardvark she didn’t like and she asked him to get rid of it but he said no so obviously it was all his fault and now she’s living in a big old city and all he’s ever going to be is foreskinny.