Cecil the Lion’s Death Has Been Avenged

Dr. Walter J. Palmer is going to get more search traffic today, something I’m sure the lion killing dentist doesn’t want. It was a month ago that Palmer paid $50,000 for a hunting permit in Zimbabwe. That let him hunt and kill a lion that he lured out of a Zimbabwean national park. Too bad he killed universally beloved animal, Cecil the Lion. If it was any other lion, he’d still be cleaning teeth in Minnesota. Instead, he’s nowhere to be found.

It only took a month for those lions to get payback. Yesterday, lions from Hwange National Park, the same park where Cecil the Lion was murdered, attacked and killed Quinn Swales, a safari guide in the park.

Quinn Swales was taking a group of tourists on a walking safari in Hwange National Park on Monday morning when a lion suddenly charged, the company he was working for said.

“Quinn did everything he could to successfully protect his guests and ensure their safety,” the company, Camp Hwange, said on its Facebook page, adding that no other members of the group were hurt.

Did anyone say he died doing what he loved? Oh, right, yea they did.

“He paid the ultimate price in pursuit of a job he loved, in an area he knew so well…”

This brings up a tangential question. How many jobs are worth dying for? No one’s gonna praise an accountant for “paying the ultimate price”. Besides, it’s pretty hard to die from accounting. It only happens when the mafia doesn’t like your calculations.

The lion who attacked Swales sounds pretty alpha.

Quinn and his group of six clients had come across the tracks of a pride of lions while walking down the edge of an open savannah “vlei line” and soon thereafter came across the pride lying down some distance from them. At this point the adult male rose and began walking purposefully towards the group.

At this stage the lion did not charge the group, but unusually kept walking purposefully towards them. Once it had breached a certain point, both Quinn and his party of guests began shouting at the lion in an attempt to intimidate it. This had the desired affect and the lion stopped to watch them, allowing Quinn the opportunity to set off a “bear banger” (very loud fire bang) to further dissuade it. This caused the lion to move off obliquely, away from the group, in a manner which suggested it would return to the pride, but it suddenly turned and instantaneously charged and attacked Quinn who had continued to place himself between his guests and the animal.

Lion gang initiation right there. That pride goaded this lion to killing Swales. The lion hesitated, walked back, but ultimately followed through. “Give him the best meat!” the head lion proclaimed after the killing. “Give him the ass!” Yes, “EAT THE ASS! EAT THE ASS!!” all the lions started chanting.

This is exactly why we need to arm safari park tourists with guns. You think we can just walk into their territory without those lions reacting? Hell no. This will only escalate the inter-species gang warfare. Ain’t no lion attacking me.

I’m pretty sure this killer lion bumped N.W.A. to psyche himself up.