The 2006 Billboard Music Awards

The 2006 Billboard Music Awards happened yesterday. As you can tell by Fergie’s performance in the video, it sucked as much as you thought it would. She lacks both charisma and looks and decided to get drunk beforehand. When I listen to the lyrics I want to vomit. Boys just come and go like seasons? Conceited much? You usually find girls like this working in libraries or answering to some guy named Sugar Bear. Girls like this are also required by law to keep a bag for their head on the nightstand at all times. More after the jump.

Carmen Electra
What can I say? She looks like she always does. Like she’s frozen in time.

Gwen Stefani
Ummm. That hair. How much of Gavin’s semen did she use to make it stay up like that? It looks like one of those hypnotizing twirling things. It also looks completely retarded.

Janet Jackson
She went from 300lb fat ass to perfectly sculpted abs. And there were no steroids involved. Right. And I’m the queen of France.

Katharine McPhee
If that dress were any shorter, I’d be able to see her cooch. I guess she just doesn’t want to be popular like everyone else.

Nelly Furtado
She always looks like someone is shining a huge spotlight in her face. Or she really needs contacts.

Rihanna
Please tell me why so many people think she’s hot. The only thing she has going for her is the ability to hammer nails with her forehead. That’s more of a circus thing so what’s she doing here.

Victoria Beckham
Day by day she looks more extraterrestrial. Sad really.

Vida Guerra
How the hell did she get in? From what I heard, without all the fancy airbrushing she looks beat. I also hear skin folds are making a comeback this year. That’s a another win for Vida.