That $9m will soothe Simon Cowell’s ex’s pain

Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour are officially over after six years of dating. Six weeks ago, Teri phoned Simon and “finished it up.” The split was said to be amicable. Considering Terri was given $5 million in cash and a Beverly Hills home worth $4.6, she probably won’t hang herself anytime soon.

According to the magazine, Seymour wanted to marry and start a family, whereas Cowell recently said, “I don’t want to marry anyone, because whoever marries me will end up hating me.”

I’d date Simon for $9 million. He may be a pompous jerk, but he’s a rich pompous jerk who’ll likely pay for my silence with large sums of cash. But I’m telling you this now, he’s not getting to third base any time soon. I’m not a slut.

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