Everything is being remade

Put on your fancy hats because you’re about to watch your childhood be ripped from your cold, clammy hands and be repeatedly raped by new Hollywood. Out of ideas since 1995, studio execs have decided to remake two more movies that shaped you.

First up is the NeverEnding Story. The 25-year-old tale will be given a “modern spin.” Per THR:

The new pic — which original producer Dieter Geissler also will produce and Sarah Schechter and Jesse Ehrman will oversee for Warners — will examine the more nuanced details of the book that were glossed over in the first pic.

Next up is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall.

Carolco was behind the original movie, which was distributed by TriStar. Dimension picked up the rights for a reported $3.15 million with the aim of developing a sequel. Columbia secured the rights from Miramax, which retained them when Harvey and Bob Weinstein left to start their own company.

Calling Dick’s story “prescient,” Moritz said he hoped the advancements in technology and state-of-the-art visual effects can help tell the “Recall” story in a fresh way.

Does this mean Falkor will be redone to not resemble an aborted puppy and to not give kids nightmares for the following few weeks after watching the film? And will the three-boob chick in Total Recall be updated with bigger boobs for the current generation? Will bigger boobs even be physically possible? So many questions.

Anyway. While you weep, remember the awesome music video.

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