ESC

Heidi Montag is honest

Heidi Montag’s playboy spread is about as interesting as dirt, so I skimmed through it and highlighted the (barely) interesting parts for yours truly. I know. I’m expecting that Nobel Prize in the mail any day now.

“You know, I was never very sexual before I met you, Spencer,” she tells Spencer, who interviews her for the issue. “I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered into a whole new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love. Or to experience a day with 20 or 30 orgasms. Before you, sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute of the day.” [Us]

20 or 30 orgasms. Right. I love how casually she threw that out, just like being at the market and picking up “two or three” tomatoes. Heidi Montag has roughly about “20 or 30” orgasms a day. Now, I’m not sayin’ she’s a liar, but if I was having sex with Spencer Pratt it’d take more than the half-hearted thrustings of his pale, weak body and a prayer to get me even remotely close. She looks forward to sex with this guy every minute of the day? I bet she does! Why wouldn’t she? I’ll tell you why. Having sex with Spencer Pratt is roughly equivalent to, oh, I don’t know, any of the following:

  • getting herpes
  • bathing an old person
  • dropping an anvil on your foot
  • being buried alive
  • milk
  • cereal
  • toilet paper

Oops. Kinda bled into the grocery list there. But you get the point.

Partner highlights
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

61 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
tanker
tanker
13 years ago

20 to 30 with that clown!!

He might need a respiratory device to keep himself alive. It looks like he will croak any minute during her crazy orgasms!!

KoviGrim
KoviGrim
13 years ago

Wow a Maxim Spread in Playboy. There’s something new.

All Women Stalker
13 years ago

20 to 30? AMAZING. What a joke. I cannot believe these people exist

-meream

chewy
chewy
13 years ago

is 20 to 30 a lot?

me
me
13 years ago
Reply to  chewy

LOL are u kiddin?

poy
poy
13 years ago

go out side naked with noting on

Ceroose
13 years ago

spencer pratt couldnt give an orgasm to a woman orgasming

lisa
lisa
13 years ago

the pratts ruined I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here show now i am suprised Hefner allowed them to ‘Screw’ up Playboy. how nice to make a living by creating fools out of people

poohdamom
13 years ago

Gentlemen, ladies…she looks abosolutely FABULOUS! I am a 54 heterosexual…and Dang…she look Great!

Brittany
Brittany
13 years ago

lmao @ “bathing an old person”

Amanda
Amanda
13 years ago

LMAO. wow youre funny as hell.

mike
mike
13 years ago

How to make yourself attractive hollywood style:

a.- Have at least a normal decent face. No accidents.

b.- Color hair blonde.

c.- Get fake boobs. Large.

d.- ????

e.- Profit.

There you go kids. Have fun.

marta
13 years ago

really there is nothing special! I think Playboy has finally ran the gamut on finding a real woman with quality and something different to her!!
Instead of these Stepford Wives Types!!

v cover
v cover
13 years ago

Who in the world is Heidi Montag?

Latest
Load more