Heidi Montag almost died after her procedure

Heidi Montag almost bid farewell to this cruel world after undergoing 10 plastic surgery procedures in her pursuit to look absolutely normal.

“I almost died after my procedure,” Heidi told Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush on Monday. “I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did and my breathing was five breaths per minute which is like almost dead. [I was] in an aftercare center, there were nurses that were supposed to be tending to me at all times.

“So thank God, Charles, one of my security guys used to be an EMT, and he was timing my breath on his watch and he called the nurses and they had to put oxygen on my face and called my plastic surgeon to come in for an emergency. So, it was a very traumatic experience for me,” she continued.

Two months after surgery, Heidi says she still doesn’t have full movement in her face and that she wanted the biggest breast size possible, but that didn’t happen. Oh and she’s ready to do Playboy again.

“At first I kept saying my boobs aren’t big enough. I wanted 800 cc’s and I ended up getting about 650 cc’s. 800 is the largest size that they make,” she explained. “I wanted them to be larger originally, but this is all that could fit into my body. So, I kept saying like a crazy person for eight weeks, saying I want them bigger I want them bigger. I think I’m good with them now… They’re triple D’s or F’s pretty much, I wanted ‘H’ for Heidi but that didn’t really happen that way.”

Heidi is very clearly insane. Normal people don’t base their desired breast size on the first letter of their name. She looks like a damn robot now. Like one those sexbots that lonely, old men from New Jersey make and debut at the porn expo. Except Heidi is worse because she’s not as good at holding a meaningful conversation. I bet if you tried to talk to her, she’d just move her lips and hope that you won’t notice her brain is lagging 30 seconds behind.

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