Michael Lohan wants to start an all girls rehab

Having seen his daughter go through rehab after rehab, Michael Lohan got the bright idea that rehabs are a great money making scam. But how will Michael set his rehab apart from all the other rehabs. First, it’ll be located in the same Pasadena hospital as Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab program and second, it’ll be an all girls facility. Rehab just got a lot sexier.

“I’m working on fine tuning the therapists and doctors but the financing is in place.”

The psuedo-celebrity father of actress Lindsay described the future facility as “religiously oriented” and said it was backed by an unnamed “really well known person.”

“I believe spirituality and holistic methods can cure anything,” said Lohan, who has been outspoken in his opposition to jailing drug offenders as his daughter battles with her own additions.

“God will be a major element in recovery.”

Translation: Lindsay’s creepy dad starts an all girl rehab where he’ll be able to hit on every patient when they are at their most vulnerable. “Like shooting fish in a barrel,” Michael thought to himself as he tented his fingers and laughed maniacally and looked over blueprints for the public shower with two way mirror.

$50 says he’ll show up at work every day in that sexy mesh t-shirt.

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12 years ago

“It will be like shooting fish in a barrel” he was overheard saying.