Scarlett Johansson is Dating Sean Penn Now

According to unverified internet reports, since her split with Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett Johansson has been blowing through Hollywood like a sex tornado. The most recent rumor is she’s been banging 50-year-old Sean Penn.

It all started when she was staying at the Chateau Marmont while filming We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon. An insider claims, “Their first hook-up was in Scarlett’ Bungalow.” Off topic, but a bungalow sounds like an awesome thing to have. It’d be so much easier to invite chicks to my bungalow instead of “that apartment with the eviction notice taped to the door.”

The source goes on to say that Scarlett gave Sean a raging boner by telling him she was “planning to visit Haiti with Oxfam.” She heard rumors that Sean was living there in a tent and wanted his advice. Naturally, she didn’t go but “Scarlett’s smitten with him.”

Reps for Scarlett says “There is no truth to this at all,” and I’m inclined to believe them. Mostly because Sean Penn seems like a dick. His tent in Haiti is probably better than a room at the Four Seasons. I won’t have my imaginary girlfriend dating a guy like that.

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10 years ago

NEWSFLASH!!! He fucked her with his big, ugly nose!!! (and she kept her eyes closed)

10 years ago

S.J. is stolen biological material, taken against will and formed to clones line 200 pieces total. Sign of dangerous criminal activity. Original Scarlett Galabekian future pediatrician doctor, pediatrician nurse license she obtained in 2008

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