Fred Willard Is Innocent, Says Fred Willard

Fred Willard says he did nothing wrong even though he was arrested for allegedly masturbating in an adult movie theater in LA Wednesday night. Willard says it was all a big misunderstanding. Which, as we all know, most lewd acts in a theater usually are. Sorry, dude. It’s not like I meant to ejaculate on your head. It just happened.

A statement released by Willard’s lawyer Paul Takakjian, read, “With all due respect to the individual officer, our belief is that Fred did nothing in any violation of any law. We will be working vigorously to clear his name in this matter.”

Will they be working on it as vigorously as he masturbated in the theater? Because it’d be great if they could find a loophole in the law that makes it legal to whack off in an adult theater. Lifetime would buy the rights for that in an instant.

And it seems they they may have found it. According to TMZ, the law in California is that it’s only illegal to masturbate in a public place if it’s in eye-shot of people who “might be offended.” Since Willard was in a dark theater with only 4 other movie-goers, it’s safe to say those patrons probably weren’t offended. Hence, Willard didn’t break any laws. Bam. Lawyered.

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