Beyonce Will Only Wipe With Red Toilet Paper, Drink With Titanium Straws

As performers amass more and more fame and money, they slowly become more and more insane. Probably because the more famous they get, the less people are inclined to tap them on the nose and tell them no. Their level of insanity usually manifests itself in their tour rider.

Take Beyonce for example. I’m sure she grew up somewhat normal but now at 31 and having sold over 118 million records, she demands only red toilet paper to wipe with and titanium straws to drink her special alkaline water served at exactly 21 degrees with. The Daily Star reveals,

An insider claims her backstage rider insists that her crew wear only 100% pure cotton clothes, presumably to save her from allergic reactions.

Well, cotton is the fabric of our lives so that makes sense.

She’s also said to ask for special titanium straws which are used to drink a special alkaline water that’s served at exactly 21 degrees.

I’d like to believe the water is served in a special plastic water bottle that the titanium straw attaches to and that she drinks it by tilting it up into the air. Not unlike a hamster.

She also demands her dressing room has freshly painted white walls and a new toilet seat, and even makes it clear that she will only use red toilet paper.

Because when a celebrity wipes, they don’t want to actually see what they’re wiping. In their minds, they only poop roses.

No junk food is allowed.

The Devil’s candy.

Instead, snacks must include glass platters of almonds and oatcakes, and there’s a strict green-only policy when it comes to salad bar nibbles.

Not only is Beyonce eccentric, she eats the most boring things. Even a horse would look at her and shake their head in disgust.

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Righty O
Righty O
11 years ago

So, Jay Z has a titanium tool?

11 years ago

I bet the red toilet paper would be awfully confusing, occasionally, at some point every 30 time frame. Give or take a day.