Bradley Cooper to Carry a Whip, Have a Fear of Snakes

Now that Disney will be releasing new Indiana Jones films, it’s time to find a new Indy who doesn’t need to take Metamucil before every stunt. It used to be they were going to start a new Indiana Jones series with Shia LaBeouf but that guy is an asshat so now they’re looking to reboot the series completely. I mean, he’s not even famous anymore.

A source is telling Latino Review that Bradley Cooper has become the top choice. This is the same source who told them that Cooper was playing Rocket Raccoon in case you were wondering how reliable this was.

One important question is what the new Indy brings to the table that we need another 10 films in the series. If you asked Disney, they’d look at you like you were a complete idiot while opening up their briefcases to reveal bricks of cocaine and GPS coordinates to where they buried their hookers. Cocaine and hookers don’t buy and bury themselves, you know.

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