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Is Bradley Cooper Having Problems With His Model Girlfriend Because He’s in Love With Lady Gaga?

Despite the whisper campaign of Lady Gaga’s craziest fans, Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s A Star Is Born opened second to Venom, proving that people will basically see any piece of shit as long as you slap a Marvel logo on it somewhere. But unlike every other article on every major movie website, this isn’t about Marvel.

Did Bradley Cooper fall in love with Lady Gaga during filming? Is their close relationship hurting his relationship with Russian model and mother of his child Irina Shayk? Like Rachel Maddow and Glenn Beck, I’m just asking questions, so I don’t have to back up my wild assertions with any kind of facts. But The Mercury News reported there may be some truth to those rumors, so let’s wildly speculate about celebrity’s private lives! Let’s be honest, you were just going to spend this time looking at pictures of Kim Kardashian’s ass on Instagram anyway.

There also was plenty of PDA between Cooper and Gaga at press events and premieres. When arriving for red carpet premieres in Venice, Toronto or the UK, the two held hands — a lot longer than you would expect of a man and woman who only talk about each other as good friends and admiring co-stars.

That is honestly kind of weird. When you go out drinking with your buddies, do you sit there holding hands? Japanese comic books have long treated holding hands as basically the same thing as having sex. So they’ve basically already gone to like, third base right in front of our eyes.

It may be that Cooper’s feeling something from his intense, soulmate-like connection with Lady Gaga — or from the pressures of being the star and director of one of this fall’s most beloved movies. In any case, Page Six reported Wednesday that Cooper was looking sulky while out on a dinner date with Shayk.

That’s all the proof I need that Cooper totally wants to spend his life with Lady Gaga, time to start thinking of portmanteau couple names. Ladley Gooper? Brady Cooga? Brannon Braga?

In a followup report, Page Six quoted another source who said that Cooper and Shayk are “miserable together” and have been miserable for months.

One reason? They don’t seem to have certain things in common.

“He doesn’t drink and is into spirituality,” the source said. “She wants to go out.”

Also, she never has sex with him while wearing a dress made out of meat and she hardly ever shoots fire out of her nipples.

I’m convinced we’ll be reading any day about how Cooper and Gaga have dumped their respective partners and are jetting off to Celebrity Sex Tape Island for a weekend getaway. But it won’t last, just like Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. If two famous toddlers covered in tattoos who met six months ago can’t make it work, what hope do the rest of us have?

Oh, and as a reward for making it to the end of this article, here’s a picture of Kim Kardashian’s ass from her Instagram.

It has nothing to do with this article, but now you can tell everyone you were multitasking.

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