Brad and Angelina Got Secret Married

The big news of the day is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got secret married on Saturday after living together in sin for 9 years while raising 6 children. The nuptials happened in France at a small chapel at Provence’s Chateau Miraval which sounds excessively quaint.

The couple’s children took part in the wedding. Jolie walked the aisle with her eldest sons Maddox and Pax. Zahara and Vivienne threw flower petals. Shiloh and Knox served as ring bearers, the spokesman says.

Sorry guys, no matter how cute that sounds, you two are still going to burn in hell.