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Stephen Colbert Releases New ‘Late Show’ Promo Video Promising the World It’s Going to Be Freaking Fantastic

After months of celebrity cavemanning, everyone’s favorite retired comedy-news reporter smacks us with a new promo for The Late Show that reassures any doubts he couldn’t make the full comedy transition. (I said retired okay? You can still like John Oliver the most. Man, Jon Stewart, short end of the stick.)

The video, titled “The Colbeard”, centers around Colbert’s adoption of a face rug during his live-TV hiatus. “Good news, I still exist”, he reassures us as he eats a hot dog with cheap, disposable utensils and flatware. The video lacks the normal live audience laughter which leaves a slightly jarring feeling throughout, but doesn’t deter it from being funny. It just leaves an awkward pause for you to laugh at home. A quick blowing air forcefully out your nose will not cut it, you’re going to have to elicit a literal lol.

Colbert talks of using The Late Show to redefine his look:

“CBS is making me shave it off because Tom Selleck’s mustache has a non-complete clause.”

“What would I look like with a mustache, say, or a Van Dyke, or whatever Chuck Todd calls that think that’s crawling around his mouth?”

Transitioning his beard on camera from the “un-Hitler” to a fine Amish creepy-no-mustache-beard to a one-sided wolverine sideburn, he attempts to grasp onto what millennials love before settling on the clean, classically-shaved Colbert, all while letting his shaven whiskers clumpily fall onto his half-eaten hot dog. Frankly, I think we’re all upset he missed the Van Buren.

With a nice reminiscing montage of his time with his bff beardy set to Green Day’s, “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)”, but with the public domain lyrics of “Camptown Races” sung by Stephen Colbert, he comments that’s the hardest he’s worked in months, but he’s ready to get back to the ol’ grind. That is, until he “finds out” the show doesn’t start till September. With that, he wipes back on his beard and heads out with the promise that, that same old Colbert charm will be gracing us in three short months. Here’s to hoping for more Colbert snippets through the next 90-ish days; it’s been too long, old friend.

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