Three Men Stabbed for Wearing Skinny Jeans by a Clearly Sexually Insecure Guy

Skinny jeans apparently too much for a California man who pulled a knife on three thin-panted men.

After sprinkling some homophobic slurs on the situation, 25-year-old Timothy Brownell decided the best course of action would be to physically cut off the jeans. Perhaps he assumed the poor men just couldn’t get out of their restrictive, ass-flattering, leg wear. Or maybe that would have been a safer assumption if he hadn’t called them “f*****s for wearing tight jeans” first.

Brownell was arrested Tuesday on hate crime charges for which Sacramento police have stated they have zero tolerance policy, as they should since it is a crime and they are the police.

Victim Blake Abbey posted a poor-man’s public statement to Facebook Monday. “We did nothing to provoke them. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. My arm was completely mangled by a 7-8 inch Rambo knife.” To be fair, clearly you did something to provoke him, it’s just something for which he’s not legally allowed to attack you with a knife.

A benefit concert is being organized for Abbey and his additionally stabbed friends titled “I Wear Skinny Jeans.” Currently, the only information on the Facebook event is “WEAR YOUR BEST SKINNY JEANS.”

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