‘The Bachelor’ Power Rankings: Week 5

Week 5 threw a curve ball. I did not see Whitney getting any rose because, I repeat, Whitney who? Instead, the two eliminated this week were Astrid and Sarah the school teacher. S**t. My power rankings are going down the toilet.

In addition to the two eliminations was a two-on-one date which saw another person leave or two? We won’t know which girl Nick will choose. The girl who shoves her tits in his face every chance she gets or Taylor? Tough decision.

So here we are at week 5’s power rankings.

1.  Danielle M. (Child nurse person) +0

A ghost said she would stay and she made out with Nick. Then she got the rose. That damn ghost was right.

2. Danielle L. +0 

It’s still looking like she’s rocking the top of the list.

3. Corinne (Runs a multi-million dollar company with her nanny) +0

When you play The Game of Thrones, you either win or you don’t get the rose. “Byyeeee biiiiiitch,” is what I hope she says every episode until she gets eliminated.

4. Rachel (Attorney) +5

Rachel got a one-on-one today and made the most of it by making out with Nick at every date spot they went to. Good game plan.

5. Vanessa (French-Canadian-Italian) -1

The ghost said Vanessa wouldn’t be eliminated either.

6. Raven (Midwest girl) +2

She said she fell in love with him. Awk-ward.

7. Jasmine (Cheerleader, I mean, professional dancer) -1

Jasmine took a dead white girl’s hat. ON A FREAKING PLANTATION! You shouldn’t have done that, Jasmine.

8. Kristina (Russian hygienist) -1

She did talk this episode but I have no idea what she said.

9. Whitney (Pilates) +1

Ok… so Nick knows she exists.

10. Alexis (Dolphin girl) +1

Nick terrorized her with a Nic Cage mask and then she made out with Nic Cage… I mean him.

11. Jaimi (Septum piercing) +1

This episode: zzzz.

12. Josephine (Santa Cruz girl) +2

Well, she’s not Taylor.

13. Taylor -8

She prayed to the DSM-V gods this week but I don’t think they helped her. Especially when Corinne has blacker magic like her voodoo doll and tits. But wait…

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