Fear not, Bachelor fans, despite the terrifying wildfires in California destroying numerous homes and forcing thousands of evacuations, The franchise’s mansion has been spared.
Pray for Malibu— and #TheBachelor Mansion… pic.twitter.com/D9t8VxFXeo
— Mike Fleiss (@fleissmeister) November 9, 2018
There was real panic when it was reported that the infamous mansion was in harm’s way. Bachelor franchise creator, Mike Fleiss made sure to spread the word and tweeted:
What part of “pray for Malibu” confuses you idiots. I live in Malibu! My heart is broken. Go f**k yourselves!
— Mike Fleiss (@fleissmeister) November 10, 2018
Indeed, fans. Pray for The Bachelor Mansion. Pray that we can continue to enjoy the glorious drunken fights and make-out sessions. Pray that we can once more hear the catty, gossipy confessionals from women and men alike. Pray to God that we can still witness tear-ridden breakups and inebriated tantrums.
But praise be to the Heavens, Bachelor fans’ prayers were answered! The Mansion is saved! Our train wreck of a reality show has been preserved for our morbid entertainment!
Sending prayers and positive thoughts to the whole Bachelor Nation 🌹🌹
— FashionistaNYC (@FashionistaNYC) November 11, 2018
Now, let’s be real, here. We all know God had nothing to do with The Bachelor Mansion’s survival. Anyone with a hint of familiarity with The Bachelor franchise knows exactly what’s goes on in that house. This mansion has seen sixteen years of sheltering more than 25 people per season, the sheer filth of housing that many human bodies at once, implied nudity (at least partially), recurring drunken mayhem, multiple sexual escapades, and more horrors that ABC probably isn’t allowed to broadcast.
Let’s face it, that entire house has devolved into a festering factory of germs, pathogens, and STDs. After all these years, all this bacteria has had plenty of time to build up immunity to potential invaders. This place is a fortress of microorganisms that are at peak strength. No fire can vanquish them now. They have long since become one with the house. It’s going to take approximately 27 visits from the Department of Public Health, 58 holy water deep cleanings, and 31 exorcisms to eradicate the corruption that inhabits The Bachelor Mansion.