David Letterman Returning to Television Because Family Doesn’t Want Him Around

David Letterman is returning to television in 2018. And, like most famous comedians who are returning to television nowadays, he’s returning to Netflix.

Letterman signed a six episode deal with Netflix that will premiere in 2018. The hour-long shows will feature one guest interview per show along with comedy and “curiosity” bits that will take Dave out of the studio.

Given his manly gray beard, if we don’t get a bit involving Dave playing Santa Claus and Dave going out into the wild, then this show will be a total failure. Santa Letterman is the only thing I want on television next year.

Letterman retired from The Late Show in 2015. Since that time, he’s appeared at a stage show put on by Martin Short and Steve Martin, a Darlene Love video, and National Geographic’s Years of Living Dangerously. He also inducted Pearl Jam into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame and received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor.

Retiring to spend time with his family, Letterman forgot to clear that with his family. It turns out they didn’t really want to spend time with him.

“Here’s what I have learned: If you retire to spend more time with your family, check with your family first. Thanks for watching, drive safely.”

Of course they didn’t. They were used to him being away and making money. Now, he’s sitting on the couch, probably doing a “Top Ten Reasons Donald Trump Is Slowly Killing All of Us” list to no one but his wife and kid. Meanwhile, they’re like, “Are you ever gonna shave?”

The real problem here is that he only has one kid. The more you have, the more chances you’ll be appreciated and the more stuff you’re able to do. Only having one means your options are limited. Dave should have had more kids before he retired.

In not so surprising news, Letterman revealed that he doesn’t watch current late night television.

“People tell me nice things about Seth Meyers, that he’s good and thoughtful,” Letterman said. “I’m aware that Stephen has been able to solidify his position [in the wake of Trump], or — having not seen the show, I don’t know what the situation was prior. I can’t say much about these shows, because I just don’t watch them.”

In fairness to Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, and every other late night host. 11:30 is past Dave’s new bedtime.

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