The Dick Church is Real, But it Didn’t Spring a Leak

Did you know that there’s a church in Illinois that looks like a flaccid penis? Well, there is, and it’s located in a city called Dixon. This is almost enough to make me want to join this church, but they’re Christian Scientists, those crazy people who let their kids die because they don’t believe in giving them medicine, so they deserve to go to church inside a giant, limp dick.

This story dates back to 2013, when we first found out about the Christian Science Dixon building. At the time, the New York Daily News reported that the reason for the unusual shape of the building was to avoid cutting down a large oak tree on the property.

According to the 2013 article:

“We didn’t design it to be seen as what they’re seeing,” church officer Scott Shepherd told Sauk Valley Media. “And we didn’t design it to be seen from above.”

According to the Dixon church’s Facebook page, the new structure was “intentionally designed around a beautiful oak tree.” However, the shape of the church, as viewed on Google Earth, looks to many like a giant phallus.

The phallic church was back in the news this week when a tweet about it from last week went viral.

Unfortunately for us, as the original 2013 article notes, the picture of the church with the burst water line is photoshopped. The fact that a water main hasn’t burst on the property is all the proof I need to know God doesn’t exist; at the very least, if there is a god, it’s a stodgy, humorless god who hates fun. Because given both omnipotence and omniscience, who among us wouldn’t make it look like the dong church was taking a piss?

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