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Meet ‘John Dillermand,’ The Danish Cartoon Character Who Entertains Children With His Enormous Dong

Japanese cartoons are kind of weird. The most popular children’s shows in Japan are Anpanman, featuring a bread-based superhero with a pastry for a head, Doraemon, about a time-traveling cat thing that hangs out with a nerdy kid and Crayon Shin-Chan, the adventures of a five-year-old idiot named Shinnosuke who likes to shake his ass and dick at people.

Someone in apparently Denmark looked at all of those shows and said “I can be way weirder than that.” The show they came up with was John Dillermand, a stop-motion animated character whose giant penis gets him into all sorts of wacky hijinx.

Seriously, this is how CNN described the series:

In episode one, for instance, the mustached Dillermand uses his gigantic, stripey organ as a lead for his dog — but quickly finds himself inundated with requests from his neighbors to take their pets out for a walk, too. At another point in the show, he is stuck floating in mid-air after balloons are tied to his groin.

And is this show available on YouTube with English subtitles? Why yes, yes it is. Did I watch that entire five-minute cartoon? You bet your ass I did.

First of all, why is his dick so thin? What good is a freakishly huge cock if it’s not going to touch the sides?

Also, is John Dillermand supposed to be a child? I mean, he’s bald and has a mustache and a penis the size and shape of a garden hose that functions independently of his wishes, but he lives with his great-grandmother and she gives him chores and stuff?

This is by far the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen someone do with their dick and I’ve seen that Tommy Lee/Pam Anderson video where he steers the boat with it.

What the hell, here’s another one.

I mean, Shin-Chan was an Olympic mascot for the 2020 games we would have had if not for COVID, if there’s ever an Olympics hosted in Denmark they can make the rings out of John Dillermand’s diller.

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