Gene Simmons Is Definitely the Father of This Calf

Gene Simmons has probably slept with a couple of heifers in his life. Big girls need love too. They just have to pay.

But did Gene Simmons sleep with an actual cow? You’d think not, but this evidence is pretty damning.

Similar face. Long tongue. Makes weird noises and calls it music. We need Simmons and this calf on Maury pronto.

Little Genie needs to know the truth.

Simmons acknowledged the story and possibly admitted to being the father.

Either Gene Simmons refers to himself in the third person (believable) or he doesn’t run his own social media account (more believable).

Litle Genie is already experiencing the perks of being a child celebrity. Instead of being slaughtered and served as steak, the calf is the new mascot of Cowboy Steak House. I bet she doesn’t even have mascot experience.

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