Paris Hilton Takes Credit, Blame for Creating ‘New Genre Of Celebrity’

I’m not quite sure where I would be in life if it wasn’t for Paris Hilton, whom the world has apparently now decided is an aspiring feminist role model for turning a rich heiress into being an even richer heiress by putting her name on things after we all saw a video of her blowing some dude. I mean, good on her for parlaying that blowjob into a successful career as a businesswoman after trying and failing to be a singer and actress. It just goes to show you that when your father owns a $300 million real estate company and your grandfather founded one of the largest luxury hotel chains in the world, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish, as long it doesn’t require actual talent.

In an interview with Ocean Drive, Hilton commented on how her rise from socialite to celebrity inspired a whole generation of people who are famous for being famous.

I was definitely before my time, and the beginning of a whole new era, and it started a new generation and genre of celebrity. I think it was pretty groundbreaking, and I love being a pioneer. But being a businesswoman, I would’ve loved to have capitalized on it. I was just doing it because I was having fun, but at the same time, created a new business of being the first one to be in Las Vegas to start the whole public appearance fee. I’m very proud I started a whole new way for young people, young entrepreneurs and people with dreams to make a living and a very lucrative business off of it. Instead of most kids getting some boring job, they’re actually doing something they’re passionate about. It’s amazing how this technology has taken it to another level where people are making lives from it.

Yes, Paris Hilton made a business out of being paid to go to events because she was in a reality show about how dumb and out of touch she was. And, you know, the blowjob thing.

I mean, if you think I’m being mean to Paris Hilton, read what she had to say when she was asked about the first time she was paid to go to a party.

It started when I was 16 and first moved to New York City, and I just started getting offers to go to different events. Then, all of a sudden it was like, ‘We’re going to pay you a million dollars to come to Japan’… and my sister and I started going around to different events and parties.

We live in a world where we pay rich people millions of dollars to stand around and impress people by being rich. Of course, without Hilton and the generation of talentless, star-fucking celebrities with no discernible talent she inspired, I’d have a lot fewer things to make fun of, so it worked out okay for me. Of course, without reality TV Donald Trump probably wouldn’t be president, so it’s kind of a wash.