Woman Literally Full Of S**t After Surgical Accident, Preparing Her For A Career on Fox News

One of the things I learned from watching a bunch of hospital dramas like House is that it’s very, very bad if a surgeon nicks a patient’s bowel during surgery. While no unnecessary cut with a scalpel is good, one that involves literal s**t is especially bad because it’s almost bound to cause an infection.

This is exactly what happened to Kelly Yeoman, a 34-year-old British woman whose bowel became infected after having a minor surgery for endometriosis. Since her bowel became infected, because she’s allergic to most medications leading to an inability to properly treat her condition, she’s been unable to go to the bathroom for weeks, leaving her bowels to just fill with more and more s**t, to the point where her entire torso is so full of s**t that she can barely breathe, leaving her with one of the worst cases of “Breitbart Senior Editor” doctors have ever seen.

If her condition gets any worse, doctors are worried that her symptoms might progress to getting a verified checkmark on Twitter, telling everyone how much she appreciates modern art and eventually, god forbid, appearing on network TV Sunday morning politics shows or even late-stage being President Trump’s Press Secretary.

In all seriousness, which is something I can manage for brief periods of time before making more tasteless jokes, Kelly seems like a lovely young woman who is struggling with a horrible combination of unfortunate circumstances beyond her control. Her Go Fund Me page, which is trying to raise money to see a specialist in Kelly’s condition, describes her as being confined to her bed, pumped full of pain-killers to keep her sane while she struggles to breathe and vomits her own feces. I do have genuine empathy for her, and I hope doctors are able to find a way to treat her condition before it gets any worse. And I’m not trying to have a laugh at her expense by making jokes, I have nothing but sympathy and good wishes for Ms. Yeoman. Okay, one more tasteless joke: the specialist in being so full of s**t that your lungs collapse is Sean Hannity.

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5 years ago

A little more bowel backup and maybe she can write CNN!
Can’t knock FoxNews and Breitbart when you’ve got leftist “news” organizations making up fake controversies about our president about how he feeds koi fish.

Buck up, lefties. This sort of stuff is what’s going to keep Trump in the White House.

Nate Fanfare
Nate Fanfare
5 years ago
Reply to  BigJimSlade

Yep. Because it sure won’t be rational thought or practical wisdom that keeps him there.
You dumb f**k.

5 years ago

I love to s**t. My s**t doesn’t stink because I eat 30 grams of fiber per day.