Mario Batali Thought Women’s Breasts Were Chicken Breasts

Another day, another sexual assault allegation.

Mario Batali is the latest man being accused of inappropriately touching a woman. Batali is famous for not being Gordon Ramsey. Ramsey is the guy you know from all those cooking shows. Batali is the guy you mistake for the soccer player Mario Balotelli. They are not the same. Balotelli is awesome. Batali is a guy who gropes women.

Four women have accused Batali of sexual assault dating back 20 years. They all share similar stories: Batali touched their breasts without their permission. You know what they say in chef school. Also see if the breast has a bone in or a bone out before cooking it.

In Balati’s case, he was looking for a boner.

Batali did not deny the allegations, because they are most likely true, and is stepping away from his show and restaurant. Here is the statement he released on the matter to Eater:

“I apologize to the people I have mistreated and hurt. Although the identities of most of the individuals mentioned in these stories have not been revealed to me, much of the behavior described does, in fact, match up with ways I have acted. That behavior was wrong and there are no excuses. I take full responsibility and am deeply sorry for any pain, humiliation or discomfort I have caused to my peers, employees, customers, friends and family.

“I have work to do to try to regain the trust of those I have hurt and disappointed. For this reason, I am going to step away from day-to-day operations of my businesses. We built these restaurants so that our guests could have fun and indulge, but I took that too far in my own behavior. I won’t make that mistake again. I want any place I am associated with to feel comfortable and safe for the people who work or dine there.

“I know my actions have disappointed many people. The successes I have enjoyed are owned by everyone on my team. The failures are mine alone. To the people who have been at my side during this time — my family, my partners, my employees, my friends, my fans — I am grateful for your support and hopeful that I can regain your respect and trust. I will spend the next period of time trying to do that.”

Of the thousands of statements issued by Hollywood males in the last month, Batali’s might be the best. He’s still wrong for his actions, but he doesn’t try to victim blame or say he’s going to fight the case or come out as gay. He accepts responsibility, admits that the actions are true, and is looking at improving himself. Good on you, Batali. You still suck, but at least you hired the right public relations firm.

ABC also released a statement on the manner:

“We have asked Mario Batali to step away from ‘The Chew’ while we review the allegations that have just recently come to our attention. ABC takes matters like this very seriously as we are committed to a safe work environment. While we are unaware of any type of inappropriate behavior involving him and anyone affiliated with the show, we will swiftly address any alleged violations of our standards of conduct.”

Unless we’re talking about The Bachelor, right ABC? Then you’ll address the allegations, but only after you’ve found multiple avenues to monetize the situation.

This is just more proof that we need less cooking shows on TV.

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