North Korea’s Failed Missile Launch Hits North Korean Town

On the heels of a month of everyone I know constantly pissing their pants at the prospect of their own death in a nuclear blast by a North Korean missile, we’ve just heard that one of North Korea’s missile tests ended with Kim Jong-un’s tiny missile falling flaccidly back to Earth less than a minute after he got it up, crashing into the North Korean city of Tokchon.

As of press time, American President Donald Trump, which even after a year still makes me go “that can’t be right, I need to double check that” every time I see it, hadn’t made a comment about the failed missile test, so I’m just going to have to show you last tweet he made about North Korea’s nuclear program again.

This tweet ages like a fine wine. I never get tired of seeing Donald Trump tweet about how his nuclear is tumescent and rigid, firmly standing guard, and how women always tell him how his button is a good size, and it would probably just hurt if it was any bigger.

Since the failed April launch, which was reported today by The Diplomat, North Korea has successfully launched a few missiles over Japan, but the launch of its Hwasong-15, the missile reportedly able to hit the United States, broke apart faster than a Taylor Swift relationship when it tried to re-enter the atmosphere.

Actually, now I kind of want Taylor Swift to write a song about the North Korean nuclear weapons program. She can call it something like ‘Stop Testing My Heart’ and get all soulful about Kim Jong-un’s rockets being big but not finding their target.

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