People Are Intentionally Eating Tide Pods Now, Proving Dolphins Are Actually Smarter Than People

I’m pretty sure that we, as a species, are completely doomed. The reason for our downfall isn’t going to be North Korea or Russia or presidential incompetence and it’ll happen way before global warming or ocean acidification gets us. The reason we’re all completely screwed is that full-grown adult human beings keep eating their fucking laundry detergent.

You may have seen the story over the summer that was a small sensation on social media when it was tweeted by NBC News: more adults than children have died from eating laundry pods. If you clicked through and read the story, you’d see that the adults had cognitive impairments such as dementia.

But there are plenty of people on social media talking about how much they want to eat the damn things that don’t have any sort of cognitive impairment. You know, outside of run-of-the-mill idiocy. So do you want to see some people actually put these things in their mouths?

This guy is dabbing the pods, which seems like only a slightly less dumb idea.

I’m pretty sure this one is faked in some way. I hope so, because it’s actually pretty funny.

If you haven’t gotten enough of morons eating Tide Pods yet, well, here’s a compilation video that clocks in at 7 over minutes of morons eating laundry detergent.

Okay, so people are obsessed with these things. I don’t get it. I use Cascade pods in my dishwasher and they smell like soap. Someone on Tumblr made a recipe for an edible version of these laundry pods you can make at home and eat without dying. Tumblr is exactly the place I would expect to see this, because it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Yeah, so it’s gelatin holding Jell-O salad. And it’s a lot of work to make something that’s going to be only marginally better than actually eating laundry detergent. I’m going to give you a much better recipe for Jell-O. Take your favorite flavor of Jell-O and prepare it according to the direction on the package, except substitute 1/2 cup vodka and 1/2 cup cold water for the cup of cold water you add at the end. Eat that until you stop thinking about your laundry detergent as food, you animal.

[Image: Austin Kirk]

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