‘American Idol’ Contestant Kissed Katy Perry, Didn’t Like It

A cute moment on Sunday’s American Idol turned into a moment for hand-wringing when judge Katy Perry gave incel loser Benjamin Glaze a pity-kiss after he Kenneth the Paged all over the stage and told the judges he’d never kissed a girl before.

So I have notes. First of all, if you’re going to go on a signing competition show and tell everyone you’re a sad virgin who’s never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl, at least do what this The Voice Thailand competitor did and sing the theme song to Dragon Ball Z. The judges ate it up. One of them even did a Kamehaha with him.

You know how I know that guy has never touched a vagina? He looks like me if I was Asian and he’s singing anime karaoke on television. If you want to get laid like that, you had to sing anime karaoke at anime conventions in the late 90’s before the industry got big and they were still basically nerd orgies.

But back to Glaze Parcell. He said he wouldn’t have kissed her had she asked because he’s saving himself for marriage or something lame and wanted his first kiss to be special. Hey, your first kiss was on national TV with a super-hot singer, it was way more special than mine. The New York Times found two people on Twitter who were offended by the moment, one saying it was a “forced sexual act” and another saying people would have been mad had a male judge done that to a female contestant and wrote an article about how “people are calling it sexual assault”. Democracy dies in darkness and my brain dies when I read your opinions page.

Of course, there were more than two people comparing this to the #metoo movement. Mostly from people who had previously been scrambling to say whatever story wasn’t a big deal pointing out how this was a big deal because a woman did it to a man and oh the hypocrisy, get my fainting couch! Say what you want about me, but I’m consistent on my position that something this minor is not a big deal.

No one asked Glaze, who said he didn’t feel sexually harassed. Because he wasn’t. He even took to his Instagram to point out that he wasn’t sexually harassed.

Katy sent Glaze this tweet when the show aired, showing the whole thing was good-natured fun.

💋#BenjaminGlaze #AmericanIdol pic.twitter.com/0XbA18LmRr

— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) March 12, 2018