Adult Woman Tries ‘Laxatives in Brownies’ Gag, Is Fired and Almost Arrested

For some reason, someone long ago decided that laxatives should taste like chocolate. Personally, I’d have gone with vanilla or apple or blueberry, something that’s not likely to draw comparisons, but what do I know. I understand the ex-lax heiress is absolutely stuffed full of so much money she just can’t seem to get it all out. No good has come from this choice, however, because it’s super easy to hide chocolate-flavored laxatives in chocolate-flavored food.

As reported by Michigan Live, it turns out that poisoning your co-workers is frowned upon, though. It’s political correctness gone mad if you ask me. In my day we’d get poisoned at work every day. These snowflakes today and their whole “It’s wrong to sneak drugs into people’s food” thing. Next thing you know, I won’t even be allowed to slap my secretary on the ass and call her “Sugar Tits” or fire warning shots at co-workers who have displeased me.

Police were called on May 3 to MMI Engineered Solutions, 1715 Woodland Drive in Saline, after the company received a tip from an employee that the woman planned to put laxatives in brownies she was bringing to a send-off for another worker, said Saline Police Chief Jerrod Hart.

The company intervened, confiscated the suspect brownies and called police before the brownies could be eaten, Hart said.

Man, what spoilsports. Who doesn’t want to see a bunch of engineers s**t their pants because you didn’t like someone who is leaving anyway? At this rate, no one is going to s**t their pants. Fucking fun police.

Anyway, police didn’t charge the woman with a crime because no one ate the tainted brownies, but she was fired. This means she’ll have to go back to her old job as one of The Little Rascals. I think she was Sharty.

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