Man Run Over by Dog Driving Forklift as Revolution Begins

Dogs are supposed to be man’s best friend. But last June, a man’s encounter with a with a dog turned deadly. And I know what you’re thinking, someone got attacked by a pit bull or something and had their throat ripped out, why is this news? Well, it wouldn’t be if that were the case, “man bites dog” is an idiom for a reason, we wouldn’t be covering a literal “dog bites man” story. No, this story, reported by CNN, is “dog runs over man with forklift.”

Yes, after months of investigation, the Avon coroner have determined that Derek Mead was accidentally killed by a forklift driven by his dog.

Recording a conclusion of accidental death at the inquest Friday, Peter Harrowing, the assistant coroner for Avon, said Mead’s death was a “very tragic accident.”

“The most likely explanation, which I accept, is that the dog that he had in the cab with him on that day inadvertently moved the shuttle lever, causing the forward motion on the Manitou, which sadly trapped Mr. Mead against the solid gate, causing injuries which he did not survive,” PA reported Harrowing as saying.

That’s what the dogs want you to think, anyway. I dig some digging on the bark web and found out the real truth: Derek had pretended to throw the ball while holding on to it one too many times, and the little terrier had enough. He saw his chance and he took it. And who can blame him? This is clearly just the beginning of the canine uprising, and I intend to be on the right side of it. I mean, the dogs didn’t vote for Trump, why not let them have a go at running things?

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