Paris Hilton Disappoints Fans With Another Broken Engagement

For all of you who were excited to see Paris Hilton finally walk down the aisle, I have bad news for you. Most tragically, Paris Hilton has ended her engagement to her fiance, Chris Zylka.

This is not the first time that fans’ hopes of seeing the Heiress/DJ/Defunct Moronic ’00s Reality Star/Purveyor of Weirdly Pungent Fragrances wed. Way the hell back in 2005, Paris Hilton was engaged to a Greek shipping heir named Paris Latsis. That’s right. At one point in time, there was the hope of a hilarious union between two rich Paris people. However, that engagement only lasted for a hot minute, dashing fans’ desire not just to see Paris Hilton wed, but their excitement to hear the riotous exchanging of vows between two Parises. Alas, a moment that would surely have gone down as one of the most hysterically funny moments in pop culture history was not to be.

And now another Paris Hilton troth has ended. In reading the most recent reports, it’s hard to say how serious this prospect of actual matrimony really was for these two. It seemed for a while that Hilton and Zylka were aiming for a November wedding this year after they got engaged in January.

However, after the announcement, the two went on to mutually forget that they were betrothed. When August rolled around, it hit them that people might be expecting a wedding soon. Since both of them only just remembered that they were affianced to each other, and hadn’t done s**t regarding planning, Paris announced they had decided to wait to marry in 2019. This is what Paris said back in August:

“I was like yeah [about the wedding date], but I didn’t look at my schedule. Then this summer we were looking at our schedules and I was like, ‘Oh my goodness we are both working nonstop until like New Year’s. We’re both just working so much and decided it would be much better just to push it to next year. With all the planning I want it to be perfect and you can’t rush something like this.”

Well, no Paris Hilton wedding this time, folks. Maybe the next one will finally take. Third engagement’s the charm, maybe?