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Shockingly, Miley Cyrus is Still Bisexual After Getting Married

Being bisexual isn’t something you just turn on and off. I know some celebrities who are bisexual just tell people “Oh I’m gay/a lesbian” once they’re in a relationship, but that’s not because they stopped being bisexual, it’s because for some reason our society cannot wrap its collective head around the idea of someone being attracted to both men and women despite the near-deification of David Bowie that’s gone on since his death.

You might think I’m pulling this out of no where, but look at this E! headline about Cyrus:

Married Miley Cyrus Admits She’s Still Attracted to Women

That’s how being bisexual works, guys. You’re attracted to men and women. Forever.

Of course, Miley isn’t entirely helping things in the interview she gave Elle that this misguided headline referenced.

I think it’s very confusing to people that I’m married. But my relationship is unique. And I don’t know that I would ever publicly allow people in there because it’s so complex, and modern, and new that I don’t think we’re in a place where people would get it. I mean, do people really think that I’m at home in a fucking apron cooking dinner? I’m in a hetero relationship, but I still am very sexually attracted to women. People become vegetarian for health reasons, but bacon is still fucking good, and I know that. I made a partner decision. This is the person I feel has my back the most. I definitely don’t fit into a stereotypical wife role. I don’t even like that word.

Look, my girlfriend is bisexual, and so am I. Most of the people I date are bisexual, we tend to stick to our own because straight people and gay people are all assholes to bisexuals, just ask literally any bisexual person. Mick Jagger will tell you. It’s not unique or complex or modern, it’s two people being faithful to each other because they love each other, and just because we’re not having sex with slightly more people than other monogamous couples it doesn’t mean we need a medal.

At the end of the day, bisexuals are just as capable as anyone else of being monogamous, and you don’t magically stop being bisexual just because you get married. Only if you forget to pay your dues. They go to a good cause, though, we buy David Bowie posters for the needy.

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