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People are Offended By Eminem’s New Song About Ariana Grande Because I Guess They’ve Never Heard Any of His Old Songs

Twenty years ago when Eminem came onto the scene and all my friends started talking about how great he was, I thought it was some sort of prank, like they were waiting for me to agree and say I liked it before they all went “haha, it’s actually utter horse s**t, you’re such a dork!”

Today, now that Eminem is one of the biggest names in music, I’m more convinced than ever that’s exactly what’s happening, but that it’s some kind of Truman Show thing where the whole world is waiting to reveal this was all done to slowly drive me insane.

Still, as much as I don’t like Eminem, I like the people trying to cancel him over a lyric on one of his new songs even less. Eminem’s transformation from a novelty act that was just a worse Beastie Boys to a respected artist was arguably “Stan”, an epistolary song where he receives letters from an increasingly unhinged fan who eventually kills himself and his pregnant girlfriend. And between verses you get to listen to a Dido song that’s actually good, so it’s not all bad.

Basically, what I’m saying is that Eminem has built his brand on a facade of violent misogyny, so I don’t know why people are surprised that he made a joke about the Manchester terrorist attack at an Ariana Grande concert. The lyric in question, from his new song “Unaccountable”, is “But I’m contemplating yelling ‘Bombs away’ on the game/Like I’m outside of an Ariana Grande concert waiting.” He’s basically saying listening to his music is like being in a terrorist attack, which I wholeheartedly agree with.

Of course, the usual suspects were all riled up about this on Twitter.

At least I assume someone was riled up about it at some point, but all the hashtags like #EminemIsOverParty and #EminemIsCANCELLED are just full of people talking about how stupid it is to try and cancel him, and how the new album that the song is from, Music to be Murdered By, is pro-gun control.

And let’s be real, if there are people out there trying to cancel Eminem, probably 16-year-old Arianna Grande stans with 200 followers, they are incredibly stupid. Back in my day, entire religious groups tried and failed to cancel Eminem. And this was during the Bush administration when people still pretended to care what religious groups thought. Gay groups also tried to cancel him, something everyone seemed to forget when 9-11 happened.

It’s just not going to happen at this point. For some inexplicable reason, people love Eminem, and the only way that’s going to change is if he collaborates with Phil Collins.

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