Jessica Alba could take a crap in her hand and smear her feces over my face and I would be in shock. Not because I now smell like I just took a bath in a septic tank, but because a part of Jessica Alba has touched me. With that being said, one thing that I will not tolerate is Jessica Alba hanging out with the man whore they call Wilmer Valderrama. He must have stolen my diary because he’s systematically going down my list of people to have sex with. Uh, that’s if I kept a diary. Which I don’t. Oh, that pink book with a lock on it? It’s nothing. Nothing at all.
