K-Fed is willing to write a tell all book on Britney Spears detailing her wild drinking, drug use, lesbianism and her belief in time travel unless he gets what he wants in the divorce settlement.

Kevin is either hoping a publisher will pay him big money for the book or that Britney will cough up more cash than what’s in their prenup [an estimated $360,000 in spousal support plus $7 million from the sale of their Malibu, Calif., home] to keep him from spilling the beans.

So I guess that rap career isn’t working out. The idea of K-Fed writing anything is scary. It’ll be so egregious that even Jessica Simpson would chortle. “Daddy, daddy look. That Kevin spelled ‘ur’ wrong. Everyone knows it’s ‘yer.’ What a stupid face.” Then everybody’s head will explode once Jessica uses a simple proof by contradiction to invalidate Britney’s time travel theories.