paltrow reading

Gwyenth Paltrow was introduced as a very special guest that would be reading to them at Saturn’s Read Across America tent at Sundance. Before they announced her name, one of the kids asked, “Is it Britney Spears?” Gwyenth came out and stared the kid down until they cried and told them to “run home to mommy you capitalist pig.” Just kidding, she actually said “I’m sorry I’m not Britney Spears, but I’ll work on my dance routine.”

In the past I would have made fun of Gwyenth, but she’s now the lesser of two evils. Had Britney been the special guest, she would have forgotten to wear panties again and sat spread eagle attempting to read One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, which would be awesome because one of the kids would eventually shout “it smells like fish!” and then the all the other kids would laugh hysterically as only little kids do.