Gwyneth Paltrow Managed to Turn Drinking Whiskey Into Pretentious Hipster Nonsense

One year for my birthday, my dad bought me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, which if you’re not familiar is a $200 bottle of scotch whiskey. That’s also what I paid for my Nintendo Switch and trust me, this was not a minor purchase for him. But there’s something about a father and son having a fine whiskey together that makes for a beautiful memory.

Unfortunately for my memories of my late father, Gwyneth Paltrow has managed to ruin whiskey by getting her Gwyneth Paltrow goop all over it.

The Mirror reports that Paltrow had a few whiskey sours a night during lockdown.

Gwyneth explains: “I drank alcohol during quarantine.

“I was drinking seven nights a week and making pasta and eating bread. I went totally off the rails.

“I mean, who drinks multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like that’s not healthy. I love whiskey and I make this fantastic drink called the Buster Paltrow, which I named after my grandfather who loved whiskey sours.”

Lots of people have a drink or two a night. You don’t even have to be an alcoholic. That is literally a Marge Simpson quote from back when The Simpsons was still funny. “I’ve been so bored since we moved here I found myself drinking a glass of wine every day. I know doctors say you should drink a glass and a half, but I just can’t drink that much.”

And of course Paltrow found a way to take something wonderful like whiskey and turn it into hipster nonsense.

“And it’s this great quinoa whiskey from this distillery in Tennessee with maple syrup and lemon juice. It’s just heaven. I would have two of those every night of quarantine.”

Can we just have one nice thing that doesn’t get ruined by quinoa?