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Gwyneth Patrow is Selling Vibrators Now, No Word on Whose Vagina They Smell Like

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After 12 years of existence, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop is finally selling something to put in your vagina that you’re actually supposed to put in your vagina: a vibrator.

People describes the vibrator as “Available on Feb. 14, the $95 Double-Sided Wand Vibrator features a ‘wonder-ball wand with deep, rumbly vibrations’ for external stimulation on one end, and ‘powerful and precise vibration’ for clitoral or internal stimulation on the other. Each side offers eight different pulsating patterns.”

They also said “The vibrator is the latest nod to female sexual health from Goop, which has long aimed to eliminate shame surrounding female sexuality,” which… look, everybody masturbates and it’s perfectly fine, it’s normal, it’s health but it’s also pretty funny. Like, have you seen the face you make when you do it? There’s a reason most sexual positions are designed so that you’re not seeing each other make the faces you make when you’re having sex.

I will say I’m pleasantly surprised that Paltrow’s marketing appears to be of the “this will make your vagina feel good and give you an orgasm” variety and not the “this vibrator was specially crafted by a shaman to ward off the evil spirits living in your vagina” that I half-expect from every Goop product announcement.

I wonder if you can get it blessed by a shaman as an add-on.

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