Lindsay Lohan

Earlier this morning, police received a call that Lindsay Lohan was chasing a white Escalade in her Denali. At 2:15 a.m., police stopped Lohan near the Santa Monica Police Department (what a moron), but she refused to submit to a chemical test to gauge her blood alcohol level. As a result, police made her walk the line and she failed. A breath test was administered at the police station confirming she was drunk with a BAC between .12 and .13 (the legal limit being .08) AND police found cocaine in her pants pocket. Ultimately, Lindsay was charged with driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license, two felony charges of possession of cocaine and transport of a narcotic.  So, she’s pretty screwed. Eventually, the $25,000 bail was paid and Lindsay was released.

Drunk? Impossible! Lindsay had an ankle monitor. No way she could be drunk. Unless… it’s a useless piece of crap that she put on herself. But Lindsay is too honest to do that. Obviously, the Sheriff’s Dept. has it out for Lindsay. She probably couldn’t walk the line because she has mutant toes which cause her to be thrown off balance. The BAC test was also faulty because she drinks mouthwash. Lots and lots of mouthwash. A girl’s got to have fresh breath for those random sexual encounters in the bathroom. And the cocaine? Planted! There’s no way there could be leftover cocaine on Lindsay. Gosh LASD. Next time try harder to frame our useless starlets.

Up above is her mugshot. I ask you. Is that the face of a drunk 21-year-old?

Related