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Lindsay Lohan Sports a Bikini in ‘Xanax’ Teaser

Lindsay Lohan has a new single coming out any day now. It’s called ‘Xanax’ and it’s so auto-tuned that they took all of her weird accents out.

What does the just say no thing mean? Her song is named after drugs, is she suddenly against them? That’s like Art Garfunkel going on tour without Paul Simon.

I also like that Lindsay hasn’t given up trying to look sexy despite the fact that she appears to be aging at triple speed.

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If I’m honest, I do still want to have sex with Lindsay Lohan, but I’m deeply ashamed of it because her skin looks like someone let the air out of a sex doll.

Still, the red hair and freckles thing just does it for me.

And before you get all mad at me for ripping on Lindsay and try to get me fired from Saturday Night Live, just remember Lindsay tried to kidnap some children right off the street. That wasn’t even that long ago. But really, the fake language she was babbling in is worse than the attempted kidnapping.

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