Lindsay professes her innocence

Access Hollywood asked Lindsay Lohan if there was anything she’d like to say in the wake of her arrest. She responded in an email to Billy Bush,

“Yes. I am innocent … did not do drugs they’re not mine.”

Yes, this is obviously just a big misunderstanding. The cocaine was someone else’s and Lindsay was merely driving drunk to return it to her assistant who she just fired. It all makes perfect sense. Thank you Lindsay for exposing the ineptitude of the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department. You no longer have to live in fear. Present your case to the judge and he’ll issue an apology right quick. Would you like 20 million in gold bullion too? How about a private jet, your personal court jester and some pancakes. Is this all making sense to you? Because it isn’t to me.