Jessica Alba & Cash Warren

I never thought I’d be reading, much less, quoting something from CosmoGIRL. After this, you’ll see why I probably never will again. For their upcoming issue, Jessica Alba, Pete Wentz and Chace Crawford talked about love and relationships. Alba started it off with some dating advice which no girl should ever heed.

“Most guys, especially when they’re younger, really are only after one thing,” she says. “To all the girls out there, I don’t want to say, ‘Don’t give your heart to somebody like that,’ But wait at least a good year. You can be in a relationship and do some things, have fun, get to know each other — but don’t give them everything.

“That was something I did at a young age,” she adds, “fell in love and gave him my everything, and I was left with nothing. It took me a long time to put myself back together, and I wish someone would have told me back them to hang on to some of myself.”

A year to have sex, huh? That’s 364 days longer than I’d prefer it to take. Unless, those 365 days are filled with bjs. Then that’s something I could live with.

Next up is Pete Wentz. If you expected him to say something retarded again, then you’d be correct in your assumption. Pete says he likes the “finals week” look on a girl where it looks like they’ve just woken up. He also says sexiness comes from confidence which is really weird because I thought it came from big boobs and an unrelenting desire to f’ me. Also weird is the fact that Pete feels emasculated when Ashlee Simpson wears heels because she ends up being taller than him. I thought the fact that he enjoys kissing guys would be even more emasculating, but apparently to him, doing that is a sign of manliness. Even manlier if there’s tongue. Touching the other person’s penis while doing it? That’s a He-Man level of manly!

Finally, all Chace Crawford said was, “I’m ready for a girlfriend.” Uh, that’s great dude. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be sure to write that down in my diary. “Dear diary. Some kid told me he was ready for a girlfriend today. Was he hitting on me?”