Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean and actor Tyler Perry have all been accused of ordering steroids and HGH [human growth hormones] from doctors and pharmacists according to an article by the Albany Times Union. The stars supposedly used fake names to be prescribed the drugs by a doctor out of Florida. None of them are being accused of doing anything wrong. Mary J. Blige denied these reports.

“Mary J. Blige has never taken any performance-enhancing illegal steroids,” the singer’s spokeswoman Karynne Tencer told the Daily News.

This is a sad day indeed. I know you guys can never be naturally as strong and chiseled as me, but that’s no reason to take anabolics or HGH. Be happy with what you are; a wrinkly pipsqueak with muscles of an 8 year old and eye-bags of a 60 year old. Trust me. Being so genetically awesome isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Ha. Who am I kidding? It’s the greatest thing ever. I wanted to make you feel better, but why play this charade? You wouldn’t lie about banging a supermodel would you? Of course not. Coincidentally, I banged a supermodel yesterday. I am teh win.