Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are both desperate to revive their failing careers. Acting doesn’t seem to be much of an option anymore as very few studios will work with Lindsay and Paris Hilton once again proved she’s a leper to the movie-going public. Their only choice is to restart their music careers. To do that, they’re seeking out Timbaland, the hottest producer in music right now. The only problem is both of them want him and neither are willing to share which resulted in a cat fight at an after-Grammy party yesterday trying for Timbaland’s attention.

We watched open-mouthed as Lindsay pointed at Paris and snarled: “What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn’t know she was on the list.”

To which Paris spat back: “F*** off you bitch.”

“Both saw the party as an ideal way of getting him on side – but they didn’t count on the other being there.” Lindsay arrived at the party first. She made a beeline for the hit producer – who has worked with Justin Timberlake and Madonna – and waved at him wildly over the barriers.

Then Paris strolled in surrounded by a massive entourage and took up a seat directly opposite Li-Lo – and far closer to Timba.

Clocking her rival, Lindsay began fluffing up her hair extensions and launched into verbal attack. After her outburst she flounced past Paris, giving the hotel heirhead a death stare.

And taking a huge swig of Red Bull, she made her move – clambering over a sofa towards her prey. Not to be outdone, nimble Paris hurdled a barrier and flung herself at him first.

None of which impressed the great man himself, who gave both a blank stare before walking off. Well done girls!

Such grace. Such dignity. Paris and Lindsay are like precious Southern belles. I’m impressed they didn’t start giving Timbaland a lap dance. Any true lady would have ground their privates on his lap posthaste and then they would have promptly engaged in hair pulling and panty sniffing. No, scratch that last part. Panty sniffing is a gentleman’s job.