Jennifer Aniston

According to Bill Zwecker of the Sun-Times, John Mayer didn’t dump Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer. Bill’s “best Hollywood sources” swears to this. Um, okay.

It was “Jen who decided to move on,” says the friend. “She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. … Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.”

Apparently, Aniston gave Mayer a “three strikes and you’re out” ultimatum — after learning about his “quickie” flings with a cocktail waitress and a promoter’s assistant for his concert tour.

As I understand it, Jennifer dumped John because John was sleeping with other women. Doesn’t that mean John dumped Jennifer? Maybe they were never together and Jennifer, still suffering post traumatic stress from her break-up with Brad, created this fictional world where she turned her friend with benefits into a monogamous, meaningful relationship or, alternatively, no one wants stay with her dumb, boring ass.